Yes! *with a nod of the head and bright eyes* (aka. Beck style)

All is for the glory of God,
Ok, so I've been sort of dismal lately, well I'm planning to get that to change. I had a nice conversation after church today with the wonderful Ben Poulsen and it really helped to encourage me...Ok, I need to back track a bit, that was the end of the night. First off, as disparing as my writing has been of late my talk of death has partly been suicidal and partly been a dieing to self. In part I've been saying to God that whatever needs to change in me needs to be changed and in part I've been saying not so nice things to God. One thing that's been going on this week was that I prayed one of those prayers that desperate people pray. You know the kind, "God do something or I give up" sort of deal. And I was thrilled and disappointed at the results. I was disappointed because as the day wore on yesterday I knew it was less likely that I was going to get to kill myself and chill with Jesus full-time without issues.
But I was thrilled because Jesus really drastically answered me. So I participated in worship, but not with the same energy I have in the past. It was sort of like a passive observer who like dances a bit and then sits down cuz they're tired. So eventually the speaker gets up there and she makes a comment about how people get healed while she preaches because God is present. So, I'm like, ok, I'm choosing to believe this. And I don't remember what it was she said, but she said something about depression and I started shaking and I could really feel the presence of God. So she keeps preaching on and on and I'm just like yes! I love this! I want to be like this! Not this, like this. So by the end of the preaching and the praying I wander off with this huge smile on my face that I haven't had in I don't know how long and the entire rest of the night I've got this big goofy smile on my face again. I love it! Ben said I'm back to being the old Liz. Which in reality means the Liz that is not listening to the voices of doubt in her head and she's just loving God and knowing how cool and loved she is and it's just awesome. So ya, I'm happy and all smilie. And I was smiling real huge even when I was in Timmies nearly falling asleep (from tiredness, not boredom cuz I was really interested I just need to get to bed instead of blogging...